Fear and Living Well

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Fear and Living Well

Fear and living well

Maybe you want to lose weight, or write, or sing, or have more friends. Say someone has wanted to make life changes for a while. It’s like wanting to go swimming. They go to the pool, they get changed, shower before entering the pool, then sit on the side waiting to go in. The longer they wait the colder they get, the deeper the pool looks and the harder it is to go in so eventually they go to the hot tub then leave because they can try again the next day. The desire keeps them going but the fear stops them from going in till eventually they don’t even want to go anymore.

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to living a healthy life. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are younot to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world” (Nelson Mendala) Its true. We can be afraid of success, of being our healthiest selves. Maybe we feel unworthy, maybe we’re afraid of the commitment or of what else may be expected of us, or maybe we’re afraid we’ll do everything right and still fail or lose it all.

Fear can be seen as False evidence appearing real. Is what you’re afraid of realistic? What could be the absolute worse thing that happens? Really? Could you really forget to swim, lose your swimsuit, be humiliated, and drowned because the lifeguard is to busy laughing at you? Check the odds, check the facts, check out what you could actually live through.

You may notice fear is of the future. We are not afraid of what’s happening, we are afraid of what might happen. We are afraid of what we can imagine happening or relate something from our past that happened and could happen again. Did you get humiliated at the pool before, are you afraid it might happen again even though you’re older, wiser, more prepared? What can happen in the future is not what is happening now. Take one step at a time.

Fear may be left over from the past. Something left a scar on the inside. In that case you may need to feel it and let it go. Do a ritual; write the story and burn it. Find a way to let it go. Louise Hay has suggested an affirmation “I forgive myself, I forgive everyone else, I release the past.” Say it as many times as you need let yourself heal and go on.

Fear can be a good thing. It can tell you your boundaries. Fear says be care full, be aware. It can show you where you need to proceed cautiously. In that case you may need someone to go swimming with you or you might need to start in the shallow end. On the other hand you can try and change this fear to excitement. Going down a waterslide or butterflies in your stomach going back into the water, fun!

Sometimes our fear can present as distractions or sabotages. I need to pick up the dry cleaning before I go, or I just ate a cake so I can’t go swimming now. For these you need planning and awareness. Schedule it in. Plan it out. Be aware when you start going off track. Even if you mess up and fail once or twice or twenty times you can still learn and get back to the plan man. Failure is just learning.

Fear can be a great teacher but a horrible master. Let your fear of never going swimming again, of not fulfilling your lives ambitions and dreams overcome your fear of doing what you know you want to do. What are the consequences of not living a healthy live? Can you let the fear of those consequences push you into action? Go to the pool and get in, keep at it, and one day you’ll notice there’s not so much fear anymore and you’re actually swimming.

*Don’t go in the deep end if you can’t swim. Swimming is a metaphor and I don’t want anyone to drown. Take reasonable precautions and if extreme fear is controlling your life you may want to see a professional for help.